I still have nightmares about my ex husband.
I was probably around 13 when I met him the first time, and he was 25. He was flirting with me then. I should have known better, but I didn’t. He chased after me for years, but he was always married. When I was old enough, I’d tell him, if you weren’t married, sure, but you’re married, so no way!
So, when I was 29, and doing quite well for myself as an independent business owner, he came up to me at an art show, and told me that he just had to see me. Again, I said, “No way! You’re married!” Then he said, “Not anymore.” (but he was still married, which I found out about much later. This is his way of operating. He starts new relationships before the old one is done ) And he asked where I was staying, so I told him, not thinking anything of it, because I was busy. Anyway, he came over that night, and asked me to marry him. He said that he’d been in love with me since he first met me (which now that I look back on it is creepy).
So, he swept me off my feet. He had a really good paying job, one of those ones where you work two on and two off out of town. So, he moved me 500 miles away from my family. This was the “Honeymoon” phase. After that, I was chasing after that like a drug, but he never treated me with kindness again, unless he thought I would tell people about him, or leave him.
He told me about how his “ex” was so bad. She only wanted him for his money, and she cheated on him. She also had the audacity to insult his culture. None of this was true. He made out his ex before her to be worse. It turns out, that the things that he was saying about them, were only mere reflections of himself.
After he kicked me out (discarded me, like all narcissists eventually do) he told stories about me to several women all over the state. I heard that; 1) I was dead 2) he had to take care of me because I had a mental illness due to my Epilepsy 3) I was possessed by demons 4) I had sex with every man I had contact with, etc…. The list goes on and on. I used to talk to him about lying. He didn’t think people noticed, but they do.
He would get extremely jealous any time I talked to or about my family. Then, he cut me off from them. He even accused me of incest. He also accused me of having sex with my dog.I love animals, and he would threaten to tie my dogs outside in the winter, or kill them. He would beat them in front of me, or threaten to shoot them in front of me. He accused me of being possessed by demons, and said that I said all kinds of things that I didn’t say.
I have Epilepsy, so he used that against me also. He said that I have that, because I’m weak, spiritually, and I don’t know who I am. He actually made me lower my dose, because he thought he could make my seizures stop with a different diet. I ended up in the ER twice.
He professes to be a Christian while being a heavy drinker. I told him I won’t be with someone who drinks, and he promised me that he doesn’t drink, and he didn’t for about 4 months, and then promptly began drinking heavily.
He has at least 9 children with 7 women, but he calls women whores and sluts.
He made me write down the names of every man I’ve ever dated, kissed or had any contact with, just in case it comes back to bite HIM in the future, because he was planning on running for politics. Well, he blew that one on his own. He was Mr. Inappropriate 2017 District 40.
He called me names, told me he owned me, took all my money and either spent it on ridiculous stuff or gave it to his mom, daughter, or sister for their ridiculous stuff.
He drives drunk. He’s racist. He thinks Nazis and the KKK are alright. Him and Trump would get along great. These traits didn’t show up overnight. He knew they wouldn’t be acceptable to me.
He’s hit me. My jaw will never be the same, and my teeth are all chipped up. He said I deserved it.
He told me over and over again that he owns me. It wasn’t cute, funny, or romantic. It was gross.
He used me like a slave.
He had to have all my passwords. I was basically computer illiterate, and didn’t know anything about technology, so it wasn’t a problem. Anyway, he was out of town, and my Facebook was acting up, and I thought I had a virus, so people suggested that I change my password, so I did. No big deal in the real world right? But, in the alternate universe of control freak, this was a grave sin. Little did I know, that he regularly signed in to my account, and checked up on me. Not only that, but he signed into my email. There wasn’t anything to find, but it’s pretty invasive.
Anyway, He called me up, and called me a n!gg3r lover because I had some black people on my friends list, and said that I’m sleeping with all the black men in town. This is the type of person people voted for in our district. I told a lot of them, and they said, “Yeah, but he’s from here.”They also knew he hit me.
Anyway, in that same conversation, he was speaking for an audience. He already had someone else. He was being theatrical. He said, “You’re a whore, and I want you out of my house by Sunday.”(that’s when he was coming back on the evening flight) so I said, “Okay.” and that was the last word I ever spoke to him.That was on December 14, 2011. I was with him for 10 years.
My dad hired some people to help me move. I gave away a lot of his food and clothing to charity. I was still scared to death of him, so I didn’t sell our truck, big screen TV, or guns, even though, now, I know that I could have.I also left his closet full of gallon jugs of hard liquor, hoping that he would drink himself to death. One thing I did do though, that still makes me smile, and gives me a great deal of satisfaction, is : since he was coming home on the evening flight, on a Sunday, the stores would be closed. I took all the toilet paper and paper towels, knowing that he’s too proud to ask anyone for any.
Our divorce was drawn out and difficult. He tried to smear my name, not only all over our town, but all over the state. He tries to scare me when he sees me. He starts staring,laughing, and pointing. My parents tires have been slashed on their vehicles several times.
I attempted to get a protective order, but the judge wouldn’t grant it. I later heard that the judge, “Didn’t believe that he would do such a thing.” because he is a well known public figure. Well, I hope now, that judge realizes his error in judgement.